"All the leaves are brown because I just puked all over them."

I just deactivated my facebook and I haven't felt this much joy since...ah...I don't know. Since I saw Kelly last.

KELLY, I MISS YOU.

But God, I'm so sick of being able to be reached at any moment. Stupid cell phones. Stupid technology.

I watched The Graduate today. I've already seen it, but I never really saw it. I understood the film at a much deeper level than before. But it really is so depressing. Though, I'm not sure if relationship between Ben and Elaine was supposed to be as sad as I took it to be.

I hate this whole love thing.

And what's more is how crazy it is to hate "this whole love thing," considering that I am human. I love. I think I dislike it because I can't define it nor explain it. Well, I try. But there are always exceptions to whatever theory I try and come up with.

Recently, I was listening to the Ben E. King song "Stand By Me" and it too sounded completely new to me. I mean, if Mr. King was not merely trying to write a good song, then he must have seriously loved some woman. You see, he claims that even if the sky fell apart, he would be happy just to have this woman standing by him. IF THE SKY that we look at everyday, that is a constant in our lives, that we live under fell apart, I would indeed cry. I would be totally disturbed for the rest of my life. I mean, I would never see a sunset again, never see the moon or the clouds. I'd never have a rainy day again. No snow. No hurricanes. If you really think about the gravity of his words, then it's some powerful stuff.

Love. Love, love, love.

Maybe the topic is stuck in my head because I just finished watching the season finale of Sex and the City. Or maybe it's because I'm a teenage girl. Or maybe, possibly, I'm just bored out of my mind with my life right now and seriously need something sweet and lovely to happen. ahhh.

The thing is, I don't mean just love between a man and a woman. I mean friendship and family as well. I want to find happiness in one of those three.

Anyway, I could write an entire 3786593276 pages on my theories about love.

I have many opinions, and no experience to back them up with.

I've come to the conclusion that I truly live in my own little world. Nothing in the outside world really affects me. And that's a shame. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I'm just to young, and maybe I should just enjoy this brief period of my life where I will be totally protected. But it pisses me off, frankly. My life seems meaningless. It only affects the few people around me. I just want some perspective, dammit. Something wonderful and profound, you know?

whatever. A girl can dream, can't she?

goodnight.