Friday, April 16, 2010

I'd rather dissolve than have you ignore me.


I have a feeling that I might be more self-conscious, more neurotic than I was last year.
Who knows though?
My current state doesn't allow myself to think clearly or see clearly.
I guess this year has been something to remember. It's probably more fun than last year. Come to think of it, I barely remember last year. Well, that's not completely true; I remember Ms. Magnetta and AP World History and band and the DC Trip (which feels like a million years ago) and Jessica and Iguana Hotcakes(which we never actually started). This year seems to have gone by in blink of the eye. But I still feel that distance of last year. I don't know where the time's gone.

I was talking to my freshman friend on the bus, and I was telling her the insane things my classmates say and do and she said "I love your friends." And I thought, Wow, I do too. Though they may be only acquaintances some of them, for I don't hang out with them outside of school, they are my friends. They complete my day. They like me and I like them. They make me laugh and give me stories to tell and that's really the only thing I need now.
It's cheesy but I'm glad I'll have something to miss.
Yesterday after forth block, I was all down-in-out because of Jon as usual. And I was standing near Sean, and telling him and Jamie how lame this week has been and then Sean just gave me a hug. He hugged me for a little bit like he knew I was just feeling sad. Sean rarely gives me hugs. After I knew I had nothing to be sad about. There are important things and unimportant things in the world and Jon is unimportant. Sean, my friends, are important and I won't be able to love them for much longer.

I'm always going to sway towards those people. The ones I'm trying so hard to attain and impress. But for now, I'm trying so hard not to. It's extremely frustrating.








P.S.Kelly, if you're reading this, know how much I miss you right now.
I'm not supposed to be on the computer or my phone, but I'll call you when I get my phone back.

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